One Season's End is Another One's Beginning.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,

I guess I'm gonna have to cry,

And let go of some things I've loved,

To get to the other side,

I guess it's gonna break me down,

Like falling when you try to fly,

It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,

Starts with goodbye.

Yesterday was my grandpas's funeral and as I put it last night: 

"Today one of the most important people of my life was laid to rest. This man has made such an influence on me my entire life and I am sad that we didn't get to spend nearly enough time together these last couple of years. I will always remember what he has taught me but it is upsetting that there won't be any more lessons in the future. I love you, Opa, and I miss you every day. Rest in Peace."

And I mean this so very much. Growing up living right next to him and my grandma's house it would've been hard to spend any more time with him than I did. Up until we moved over here to the States. Overall that was a pretty good decision, but I so very much regret that I could not spend enough time with him over the last couple of years. It makes me tear up right now as I write this. I wish I could've been there for the service yesterday. He wasn't buried in a regular graveyard like most people but instead was brought to one in the woods a couple of hours away. He always talked how he'd much rather be buried underneath a tree than a big graveyard like other people. He was a hunter and in Germany that meant so much more than going out and killing animals. It meant that you took care of the woods and the animals in it. You helped them through the winter and took mercy on the ones who wouldn't be able to make it by shooting those. You planted new trees and helped those that were already there. So there really wasn't any place better for him to be laid to rest than underneath a tree in the woods. I was very happy when that decision was made because I knew it would make him very happy as well. But I so wish I could've been there. I just can't let it go until I personally see where he lies and I really hope I'll be able to make it there in the next year at least. 

But as I said in the heading, one season's end is another one's beginning. And where could you see that more than out in nature? Fall comes and the leaves change color. I think it was very appropriate (although not intentional) that his funeral was during the last day of summer. While I still have a ways to go before I can smile at the memories without tearing up soon after, I also know another thing: I now appreciate everything I have learned from him so much more than before. He wouldn't want be to stay upset, he'd want me to go out and do what I am supposed to do. And that is my plan. 

The start of another season also means something else. Over the last few months a lot of things have changed. I tried out different me's so to speak and over the last couple of weeks I have really figured out who I want to be. That person is completely different from who I used to want to be but that's ok. Because now I am happy with it. Summer was for figuring out who I want to be and now the new season, fall, is where I do all the things I need to do to become that person. Turn a dream into reality. 

And this change includes several things. For one, it is a career change. Yesterday I volunteered at the South Campus Tailgate before the Georgia vs. N Texas game (Heck yea for beating mean green, GO DAWGS!) which is an event where all the clubs from the Ag college and Family and Consumer sciences set up their booths along with a couple tables about the departments themselves. I left vet med partially because of the bad job market and I didn't want to blindly run into another field without knowing more about its job market first. Yesterday I met several important people including someone from FFA that really helped me make my decision of pursuing Ag Ed. I felt so much better about my decision after talking to people there about it. It was great. 

The change also included focusing on certain friends more than I did before. I tended to go through phases where I spend a lot of time with one group of friends and then the next and the next. I'm making an effort now to see all those important to me more regularly (tea time, chicken girl!). It's been working out pretty well so far.

And the third big change: Going to church and my small group regularly has really helped. I am nowhere near in my faith like everybody else seems to be, but I have no doubt that I will get there when I get there. For now, it isn't so much about believing everything and following everything that is being said (and I have some definite points that I see different than others and I doubt that'll change), but about being able to feel comfortable in a place and with people where I can't help but calm down and stop thinking. Or rather, stop thinking about the everyday stress and start thinking about what's really important and what I should be thankful for. 

I am thankful that while I lost one of my pets recently, my other two are very healthy and loving.

I am thankful that while I lost someone very close to me recently, I still have all the rest of my family with me and the loss is getting me to make a point of paying more attention to those I still have left.

I am thankful that while I seemed to have lost some friends recently that used to be very important to me, I am getting closer to some others and making great new friendships with even more.

I am thankful that although I gave up on my lifelong dream of being a vet, I am very happy with the new decision to be an Ag Ed teacher and I am confident that this field is where I belong.

And to end this post, here is a quote that I just read on facebook posted by a girl that I am happy to be able to call my sister soon: "Don't forget you're human. It's ok to have a meltdown. Just don't unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you're headed."

And that is what I am doing. While right now I am looking back sadly at the moments I have grown used to that won't be happening anymore, I am also at the same time moving forward to make new memories that some day I will be happily looking back upon. 

Life is Good.

I could write about the bad stuff that has happened in the last few months and go on and on about that, but no. I want to focus on all the positive things today. Putting all the bad and really bad stuff aside.. life has been absolutely fantastic! I couldn't ask for anything better.

There aren't a lot of things in life that I regret. What's the point of it since it isn't gonna change anything? Yea, learn your lessons from the bad stuff and move on. But it isn't gonna change the past. I wouldn't get the same tattoo again if I had the choice, but I don't regret getting it because that day, I just really wanted it. But one of the things I really truly regret is not being involved in more things my first two years here in college. And this is partially due to the relationship I was in when I started, but mostly.. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. Being alone was easier often times than going out and meeting people.

This year, I decided to try it all. Or somewhat at least. I want to be really involved in my college (Ag stuff) and I also finally decided to go to church regularly and join one of their small groups. So I joined a sorority (I know, right? Me? haha) and a couple of clubs on campus (Block and Bridle, FFA, Cattlemen's).

It has been fantastic! The last few weeks since school started have been the most fun I've had in years! It is exactly what I needed. The worst thing of my life happened right before school started and the timing to meet all these people couldn't have been better. It has really helped me work through it. Seeing Sigma Alpha girls pretty much everywhere, in class, at work, at other club events, has been great and some of them are already becoming super important to me. I can only imagine how much better it will get over time. We had our pinning ceremony this week so we're another step closer to being full active members of the sorority. And the Monday night dinner was awesome.

Being involved has been great. I am very excited to be helping with a steer and heifer show for which I am co-treasurer with another girl who is also in Sigma Alpha. I'll also be signing up for a committee to help with the Southland Stampede Rodeo with another Sigma Alpha girl. It's great to be seeing the same people everywhere, sharing the same interests and just getting to know each other better. I never thought that having friends in the same industry would make such a difference.

This weekend we went to Fishin' in the Dark, a camping trip, and it was a blast! We had so much fun swimming, going on a jeep ride through the woods and just sitting around a fire. It was an awesome way to end a very stressful week of tests and studying with not much sleep. And I'm pretty sure I got at least Bs on both tests, which were for the hardest classes I'm taking this semester. So that's great too.

Tonight was our second small group meeting with church. I was happy to be able to go to The 12 today and listening to that talk and then hearing our small group leader tell her story.. it's made me feel a lot better about having to share mine soon too.

Tomorrow morning I'm meeting with my advisor to talk about career plans again. Being around so many Ag Ed people has made me think about it a lot and I am considering adding it as a major. I want to keep Animal Science since I absolutely love this major, but why not double major? I wouldn't mind staying a little longer at UGA. I really do love it here. It's hard to keep changing my goals because it seems that with every step, I somewhat downsize. First I wanted to get a DVM and PhD, then I changed to just getting a PhD and thought that was really it. That's my plan and I'll stick with it. And now I'm thinking about being a high school teacher.

But you know, the more I change my plans, the happier I seem to get. I had these huge dreams of curing diseases and making a huge difference. That will be pretty much gone. But honestly, you could have a huge influence on kids in high school. You could still change somebody's life for the better. You could have so much influence. And that's great. Helping them grow into awesome people sounds awesome. My advisor sounded a bit disappointed when I mentioned it. He has put so much work into me. He is fantastic. I recommend asking him to be your advisor if you're an animal science major! But I know he'll really help me make a good decision for myself and that's all I need.

Seriously, I've never felt so good about myself. Taking some people out of my life and letting new ones in has been the best decision I could have made this year. Making myself a priority and focusing on what I really need has been so good. I love where it's taken me and can't wait to see where it's going in the future. You can't truly give your all until you are happy with yourself first. Someone that is happy and satisfied with themselves has just so much more to give to others. And I am so excited to pass all this happiness on!

And on top of all this, Ivy has been doing so much better in her training. She's learning more commands and getting friendlier with strangers. A friend came in today that she hasn't seen in a couple months and usually that would get her to bark at least a couple times before being comfortable enough to be petted. Nope. None of that today. Not a single bark came out of her, she was just very excited to see my friend. It was great. Go Ivy! Love my little monster.

And you think you're part of the Bulldawg Nation?

So the first game of the season is over and we lost. Which sucks. But you know what sucks even more? The people who talked about how much they love the dawgs on Friday and yesterday before the game and are now talking shit because they lost. Stop being a fan because it's cool but actually support them no matter what happens! I'm not a huge football fan. I didn't grow up here and don't understand it, I'll admit that. But I'm a part of the school and will cheer for them and stand behind them the entire time.

They lost? Sucks but.. GO DAWGS!

Stop pretending to be a part of the Bulldawg Nation when you're just a sucky wannabe fan.

In other news:

I got a bid from Sigma Alpha and am now a member candidate! Super exciting!

But there are also some very sad news. Maisha got very sick and I had to take her to the vet, where they told me they thought she had a septic uterus. We talked for a while but I just couldn't afford to treat it and had to put her to sleep. She was just in so much pain and it was horrible to watch. I held her in my arms for as long as I could as they gave her an anesthetic and then stayed with her for the second injection too. That was the least I could do. I miss her. Who's gonna talk back at me all the time now and try to suffocate me by laying on my face when I take a nap on the couch? She was just beautiful.

Rest In Peace, Maisha. 

New Beginnings!

Yesterday was the first time the new small groups at Athens Church met and it was a lot of fun. The girls in my group seem very nice and so does our leader. Because I'm from the farthest away out of everyone there last night, I won us all a trip to Transmet! We're pretty excited about that. haha Due to labor day, we wont be meeting next weekend but maybe I'll see them after service anyways on Sunday.

Today is also the first day of rush for Sigma Alpha! I'm not really a dress wearer but I've got one for tonight and Wednesday night. The one for Wednesday I really like since it goes with my cowboy boots. :3

I worked as a groom at the first horse show of the semester on Saturday. You could have also called me a personal assistant and somewhat of a babysitter. haha But it was a lot of fun. I have the best horse to take care of at those shows. And the hog show afterwards was cool too.

I was assigned a new AC in GDF and hopefully I'll be able to work more with the dogs again this semester. I've barely done anything the last few months.

A little over a month until Luke Bryan's Farm Tour concert in Athens again! It was so much fun last year and I'm super excited to be going again!

Busy busy busy

No, it's not a post about guide dogs... ;)

It's gonna be a busy junior year for me! I'm going to more club meetings that I used to to try and meet new people and just be more active in general. I don't know how much I'll do with my old clubs, especially Horsemen's (don't really wanna give that up completely) but I'm excited about all the new things!

"Sassy in boots, classy in pearls. Nothing's better than a ΣA Girl!"

I went to a Sigma Alpha info session and will most likely be rushing next week. They sound like fun events and I'd really like to be a part of it but I'll have to see. I'm already broke so that might be a problem there..
Yesterday I went to Block and Bridle though and I'll definitely be joining them! They're the ones putting on the Southland Stampede Rodeo and a bunch of other events, so that'll be fun.
Tonight was the FFA meetings and next week I think is Cattlemen's and it sounds like I'll be doing those too.

It's gonna be a busy year for me but I really want to get involved with all of them. There are some awesome people and it sounds like it's gonna be a ton of fun. :)

Helping with a hog show check in tomorrow and then working a horse show on Saturday. I'll have my first small group meeting at church on Sunday too, so it'll be a good weekend. :)

Ivy is being her usual spoiled self. She's getting better at meeting people outside of home but at the house we definitely still got some work to do. But we'll get there! Eventually she'll be a people dog!

A new semester

And so the third year at UGA begins. It's weird to think I've been here that long already, but it must be true. I like it here though, so it's alright. If I get the choice, then I will stay here for grad school as well. I like the professors and the departments, what more could I ask for?

Today was the second day of classes and I've gone to all but one once already. It's a bit hectic, running from class to work to class, but that's ok. At least I'm done at 4:15 the latest every day and don't have to work every single weekend anymore. This semester I'm taking repro (again), horse production, animal biotechnology, an orientation class (writing resumes etc) and a linguistics class. All of them are in the same building (in front of which I get to park - which is a super hard parking pass to get!) besides linguistics and the HorseP lab, which is at our livestock arena usually. All of my professors are awesome, so I'm looking forward to a fun semester. It's about time I get mostly animal classes. I'm an animal science major after all!

I took Ivy to the dog park for the first time in two months today. She did bark at people here and there, but she also ran up to some people without any problems to be petted. We're making progress!

At the beginning of the summer, I started a new job. I really like it, a lot more than my old one. haha I take care of some of the vet school's research animals, mostly mice. A lot of them. I may have developed a mouse allergy, but we're still trying to figure out what exactly the problem is. It's not enough to have to quit though, so that's great. I really like it there. Especially now that my new goal is to become a researcher!

This was on a hiking trip with friends last fall. Ivy had so much fun in the woods and was exhausted on the car ride home. A tired pup is a good pup. :)

Change of Goals

I've been sitting here for a while now trying to get all of my technology ready for the semester. If you know me, then you know I suck at this stuff. Usually I just ask my roommate to do all of this but he's sleeping and I don't really wanna wait. And I think I've figured it all out.

I'm updating my iPad right now to a new iOS so I can get the app Splashtop on it since it needs at least 5.0 and I haven't done an update in a while.. I'm trying out Audionote on my Mac to use for lectures. You can record the lecture while you take notes, which is pretty nice. I like having both. But for my repro class, there is also some drawing to do that'll help with the studying but that is hard to do on the laptop. So I guess I could take notes on the iPad since I can draw there too but I'm picky and don't like the keyboard I have for it. I'm just not as fast on it as I am on my Mac. So I tried figuring out a way to display my Mac screen on the iPad so I can take notes on the computer but skip over to the iPad for drawing. But I wanted it all on one file, the recording, notes and drawings so I literally needed exactly what is on the Mac to display on the iPad. I asked my computer smart friends and they didn't know what to tell me.

Well, I guess this time I might be smarter than them! I found Splashtop which lets me access my mac from the iPhone and iPad. I'm still trying it all out. It worked pretty well from the phone and I'm updating the iPad now to see how that works. I'm just worried about the audio. Will it record from both devices at the same time? Cause that might suck. We'll see. But if it does work out, I did it all by myself! haha

Splashtop and Audionote are the two apps I'm using if anyone's interested.

But now for what I really wanted to write about as indicated in the title: Change of Goals!

My whole life I wanted to be a vet. Here and there, I had other ideas but I've always come back to the same dream of becoming a vet, mainly a food animal vet or maybe a mixed practice. But this spring, that dream changed. I thought about the cost of vet school, the stress of getting in and being in vet school, the starting salary and the job market itself. It just does not look good. At all.

Over the last year, I've been thinking about also getting my PhD after vet school so I could do research as well as being a vet with the ultimate goal of working at a vet school (so teaching, practicing and researching). But then it got me thinking, if I really want to do research, I don't necessarily need to be a vet. And I could still teach at a vet school. I just wouldn't be able to work in the hospital.

So I decided to not go to vet school and go straight to grad school for my PhD if they take me without a masters. If not, a masters I will get I guess. All this vet school skipping is gonna save me around $150k and I also have better job and starting salary prospects. So far, the goal is to work for the CDC eventually in infectious disease research, hopefully with zoonotic diseases. And I'm hoping to be able to travel and work abroad as well, maybe South America or Africa. I have big dreams, I know, but you gotta dream of something first and then you can work your way towards it.

Someone said they were disappointed in me for giving up on my dream, but I don't think it's giving up. It's just a change of plans!